A goal is different from a hope or dream. The purpose is not to simply mark down what we desire, but to create actions and tasks in order to achieve that desire. Often we like to think of goals as these things we constantly think about and long for, which provide hope, but [...]]]>

A goal is different from a hope or dream. The purpose is not to simply mark down what we desire, but to create actions and tasks in order to achieve that desire. Often we like to think of goals as these things we constantly think about and long for, which provide hope, but sometimes we actually have goals that we know we need to accomplish, but actually strike us with fear and horror. Missions, marriage, having children, obtaining a degree, repenting; these all can create paralyzing anxiety. Most of us are good at understanding that we need to do something, but we don’t know how.

The how is what I want to tackle today. Throughout my life I’ve found simple tools and ways of looking at goals that I may or may not have ripped off from friends, leaders, and gurus. Here’s how it works.

Create two columns:

1. Can’t control
2. Can control

It’s easier to list all of the things we can’t control because our mind will naturally point these out as excuses to procrastinate. If you’ve been procrastinating, then you’ve probably already got this list memorized, so go to town.

Example: Marriage

Can’t control:

• Income – gotta’ be able to afford marriage right? Having a good job makes you more viable, doesn’t it?
• Attraction – I’d kind of like my wife to be into me.
• Agency – I can’t force anybody to do it. They have to want to.
• Prospects – these are limited by geography unless I want to succumb to online dating…which I don’t.

Once you’ve created that list, think of similar aspects that you can control. For instance, I can’t control attraction, but I can increase my likelihood of being attractive; I can do things that give me a better chance. Usually, you will discover that the uncontrollable elements of your goals involve the agency of others, while the controllable counterparts involve use of our agency. So, with that in mind, here are some examples of what I may be able to control.

Can control:

• Financial responsibility – I can’t always control what I earn, but I can control how I use it.
  • Live within my means
  • Budget
  • Avoid unnecessary debt
• Appearance – I can’t control my attractiveness, but I can promote it.
  • Improve health through diet and exercise.
  • Dress nicer; wear more suiting attire.
  • Improve hygiene; be clean and smell nice
  • Stop slouching
• Personality – I can change my behavior in positive ways.
  • Smile more
  • Treat others better
  • Show greater respect and appreciation to the opposite sex
  • Be nicer
  • Eliminate unattractive and harmful quirks/habits/traits.
• Worthiness – if I’m prepared I won’t miss an opportunity.
  • Honor my priesthood
  • Magnify my calling
  • Hold and use a current temple recommend
  • Stay worthy of the spirit so I can get some help!
• Dating – date more people in order to improve my chances
  • “It’s always the last place you look” so don’t stop looking.
  • If I run out of people to date, consider moving.
  • Treat my dates with respect and courtesy
  • Find ideas for more engaging dates

Once we have these two lists it becomes easier to see what we should and shouldn’t be worrying about. Obsessing over something we cannot control dooms us to misery. Don’t do it! Instead, decide to focus on those things you can control so that you can feel the joy and pride of accomplishment.

In the beginning, these may still seem like large goals. For instance, “improve health through diet and exercise” is monumental. So, break it down into simple tasks that you can complete. Think of daily tasks rather than abstract feely stuff. It’s easier to say, “I will limit my daily carbohydrates to 100 grams” than it is to say “I will eat healthier”. Remember, you have to be able to easily and simply measure it.

With that in mind, I’d love to hear from you. What are some of the goals and changes you have control over that can make a positive outcome toward a big scary monster goal?

I’m a lazy person. Maybe other people are the same, and don’t admit it. Still, even if I am in the high percentile of unmotivated bums, everybody experiences the opposing force of procrastination to some degree. Temptations may often immediately follow the tasks and promptings that come to us throughout the day. [...]]]>

I’m a lazy person. Maybe other people are the same, and don’t admit it. Still, even if I am in the high percentile of unmotivated bums, everybody experiences the opposing force of procrastination to some degree. Temptations may often immediately follow the tasks and promptings that come to us throughout the day. In reference to our callings, the Lord has warned that, “….it is not meet that [he] should command in all things…”, and that “he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned.” ¹ If we’re honest,  it’s painfully apparent how often we’re slothful in our righteous actions— particularly when it comes to our callings. Our human tendency to shirk and wait around to be yelled at before we will magnify our callings can be overcome if we prepare to serve.

Why?

The principle of preparation applies to all callings in the kingdom. It seems obvious that a patriarch must prepare to offer blessings. We’d scoff if we went to receive this special revelation and found him watching a sitcom and shoving nachos in his face. For most of us, however, it’s hard to make the connection from such an obviously important calling to our less noticeable places in the kingdom. The adversary is great at convincing us that our stewardship doesn’t matter— that nobody will notice if we simply phone it in. It’s a lie. Consider this counsel:

“Young men, if coming to church early to help prepare the sacrament feels more like a hardship than a blessing, then I invite you to think about what this sacred ordinance might mean to a ward member who perhaps has had a challenging week.” ²

This does not only apply to Priesthood holders. Consider what it might mean to a new ward member, having not received a very warm welcome, to find that at least the information they need in order to become integrated is easy to obtain in a well-prepared sacrament meeting program. Consider what it might mean to the missionaries of the ward who are taken in, fed, and offered help by a family. Consider what it might mean to one who has been earnestly seeking answers to prayers to experience a well-prepared talk or lesson which invites the spirit. Consider what a ride to the temple might mean to a faithful saint who has recently lost their job and cannot afford the travel. The Lord has called us to the positions we hold, not merely because they’re good for us, but because we can magnify them and make a difference; because we can bless lives.

It Takes Time

The trouble with our tendency to push off service for later is not that our intentions are bad. The issue is that we imagine some sort of magical credit account in the sky where we can pay off our tasks later. Sadly, there is no such loan available for our time. We either use it, or we lose it; time is a supremely scarce resource. Unlike money, minutes, hours, and seconds disappear constantly, so we must make immediate use of them.

If we were able to see our time as a small box, and our choices as wooden blocks, it would be come obvious that we have more material to work with than space. We have to make sacrifices in order to fit our choices into the box. Most of us work with a box full to the brim. Perhaps there are only two large blocks taking up all the space; perhaps many small blocks. The trouble is that we will, guaranteed, find other blocks we’d like to put in our box. That forces a tough decision: what do you throw away in order to fit this new thing?

Like trying to place trash into a trashcan at maximum capacity, we usually meet this challenge with failure. In real-life terms, it’s almost paralyzingly difficult to make a decision about whether to visit a friend as prompted by the spirit when we’re running at maximum capacity with no free time. You’re either going to have to trim that fat by sacrificing unimportant (or less-important) uses of time, or remain on your current course. Hopefully you can realize that it’s time to make some changes because, obviously, you haven’t become perfect yet.

Yeah, But Seriously, Why?

You may be flying high right now and suppose that you don’t need any more blessings. Things are good. Well, okay, don’t listen then. I’m sure you’ll be back in a few months when things aren’t going so well. If that still doesn’t convince you, then I offer these words from Neal A. Maxwell for a spiritual slap in the face:

“Consider the returned missionary, skills polished while serving an honorable mission, striving earnestly for success in his career. Busy, he ends up in a posture of some accommodation with the world. Thus he forgoes building up the kingdom first and instead builds up himself. A small course correction now would make a large, even destinational, difference for him later on.” ³

Aside from promises of reaching a celestial destination later on, preparing to serve also grants some immediate and rewarding blessings. The Lord is more than ready to fill your time with incredible experiences; you just have to free up the space and accept His opportunities.

As you begin to receive the calls of increased service you’ll be presented with opportunities to bless others and insights into how you can magnify your calling. Your service will become more meaningful and effective. As a consequence, you will begin to see greater fruit from your labors. The joy that comes from knowing you’ve blessed a life is unparalleled. Above and beyond that, however, is the insight and understanding you will receive about our Heavenly Father. When you serve along side the Lord you begin to feel as He feels and to see as He sees. Can anything else increase your faith like that would?!

Vividly, I remember walking down an Oklahoma City street as a missionary, sweaty and frustrated. I pleaded, “what is wrong with these people?! They won’t listen! They never keep commitments! They just won’t listen!” Immediately, the spirit spoke in a clear and cutting tone, “Do you think the Lord ever feels that way about you?” It cut me to the core, but spiritual surgery, it helped. The pain enabled me to see how patient and loving the Lord was in spite of my stubbornness and disobedience. That lesson has changed my life forever, and I would have never had it if I didn’t accept the opportunity to serve that day.

How are you going to prepare to serve?

What do you need to sacrifice?

1. D&C 58:26, 29
2. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Your Potential, Your Privilege”, General Conference, April 2011
3. Neal A. Maxwell, ““Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father””, Ensign, Nov. 1995, 22

Each of us has a notion of what it means to have a perfect balance in life. We idealize those who seem to have their priorities in line, and marvel at their ability to do so much. Mostly though, our conception of how they operate is superficial. Examine anybody’s life in closer [...]]]>

Each of us has a notion of what it means to have a perfect balance in life. We idealize those who seem to have their priorities in line, and marvel at their ability to do so much. Mostly though, our conception of how they operate is superficial. Examine anybody’s life in closer detail and you’ll see the familiar storm of unsettling circumstances, soul-wringing decisions, and ever-changing focus. In the church especially, we tend to fetishize the idea of balance. Inadvertently, we create a goal for our lifestyle which is unattainable, and thus, we remain unsatisfied. Tying our hopes to a false expectation always leads to suffering. That’s exactly why an incorrect understanding of balance is so detrimental. A correct understanding of it, however, allows progress and growth. In that light, a proper definition of balance is not to be in a state of equilibrium, but rather, an ability to fluidly prioritize according to circumstance.

In a literal sense, balance may call to mind the image of a tightrope walker. High above the ground, balance becomes mortally imperative to these skilled performers. A tightrope walker doesn’t always use fifty percent balance to the right foot, and fifty to the left. Other forces like wind would make him have to adjust. Balance is the same. There are circumstances outside of our control. As we accept that, we can move toward adjustments that deal with the conditions of the present time. Every sailor knows to close his sails int he midst of a tempest: it’s utter foolishness to expect that we can treat all moments in life the same. In the midst of storms, the priority to move swiftly is replaced by a need to stay afloat. Thus, balance is really a matter of defining priorities quickly, according to changes in current affairs.

Keys to Balance

1.  Reliance on the Spirit

As human beings, we don’t often behave rationally. Our emotions motivate most decisions, and rightly so! If we made a list of the pros and conns for every minute decision we’d become immobilized. It’s not practical to give intense study to which kind of toothpaste we should pick up at the store. Luckily, the Lord has provided an opportunity to access perfectly sound and rational insight through the means of His Spirit: the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

Put simply, God knows the big picture; we don’t. Without realizing it, we rely on outside information throughout the day, and seldom-if-ever do we question it’s validity. So, what’s stopping us from accepting the authority of the spirit, which is tried and true? Just as pilots use instruments during air travel to provide awareness of conditions outside the ability of their five senses, we can trust in the spirit to keep us balanced.

Listen to the urgings of the Holy Ghost. That nagging feeling, the concern in the back of your mind; most likely those are the things you should be focusing on. The spirit knows how you can perfectly economize your time, attention, and energy. Listen to it!

2. Free Up Space

Often, tight rope walkers use a long pole to balance. This pole works because it provides a greater area for the distribution of mass. If the tight rope walker must lean to the right, they can compensate bat leaning their pole down tot he left. The effect is a greater space in which to center balance.

Likewise, having a greater length of free time in our day allows for adjustments according to new  factors. Everyone knows the sad story of the father too busy with a demanding work schedule to give enough of himself to his children. That tale always ends in tragedy. What was lacking was not the man’s ability, but rather, the freedom to use his time according to opportunity.

An honest accounting of how we spend our days usually reveals a variety of unnecessary wastes of time. Leisure is important. The motors of our mind cannot stay in tact if they’re constantly turning. However, there are likely many ways we choose to spend our time that we know, deep down inside, are unedifying distractions. Prayerfully seek out and eliminate such trivialities.

An even greater black hole of time occurs when tasks are procrastinated and saved until the last minute. Having too many plans edges out the spirit, but having too few creates an overabundance of choice which has a paralyzing effect. Begin now to plan an accomplish those tasks which you’ve committed to and you will notice an intense increase in your free time.

3. Be Moving Forward

As a child, most of us learned the trick to the balance beam was to get to the end in as judiciously quick a manner as possible. It’s always easier to balance while moving forward than it is while standing still. This is true because it is always easier to make use of existing force than it is to start from stillness. In the same vein, it’s easier to modify actions than to begin them from scratch. Thus, a key to balance is to avoid stopping. There are no vacations from progression, only regression. So, when the temptation comes to take a break, contemplate all the work it will take to get yourself moving again, and all the wasted time as you try cover old ground catching up.

4. Learn from Your Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. Successful people learn from them, while the rest of us dimwits remain stuck in our ways. If the same actions repeatedly result in the same undesired outcomes it’s time to change. Yes, change is scary, but like roller-coasters, the ride is rewarding and the work is worth it. An unwillingness to change deprives us of greater happiness and deeper emotions and feelings. True, staying inside a fortress provides safety, but it also deprives you of the sites, sounds, and smells of the outside world. You end up missing out on the experiences that add joy to life. So, come to terms with your mistakes by learning from them.

My Own Experience

One of the most enjoyable seasons of my life occurred as I was anxiously engaged in building the Lord’s kingdom. I was blessed to work alongside dedicated disciples who all desired to do their best. Most of us were missionaries who only had a short season left in our calls. It didn’t take long to feel overwhelmed by the task at hand. Our mission was monumental, and I began to feel as though my time was getting away from me. We were to turn one of the worst areas into the best. That was our commission, as we understood it. I couldn’t manage to accomplish all the things I felt were my duty. This was my last chance to accomplish something meaningful.

On a particularly exhaustive day, one lacking any semblance of success, my companion and I came home to grab some lunch. Opening the door, we smelled the great scent of a home-cooked meal being prepared in our kitchen. There, we found our zone leader, along with his companion, preparing us lunch! This astounded me, not only because of the thoughtfulness, but because if there was one person who had less time than I did, it was surely him. Nevertheless, this loving leader saw our need for some appreciation, and even more, for an example into just how we should be conducting our service. He heard the call of the spirit, and followed through so that his service was given in the perfect time, in the perfect place, and in a perfect manner.

To this day I remember that elder with love and appreciation for the unity he was able to build. That zone went from the lowest teaching rates to the highest within only a few weeks. That was, at least in part, because we each learned how to prioritize according to the call of the spirit. In those months, time seemed as if it slowed and I was able to take in more teaching, enjoy more experiences, and find deeper friendships than any other era of equal days.

Since then, I have had to relearn this principal, and I’m far from perfect. Still, I thank the Lord often for that opportunity so many years ago. I found balance as I allowed my perspective to be adjusted by the spirit: how will you?

It can be easy to wonder at those who seem, with supreme confidence, to breeze through life in full self-esteem. I have news for you: they are big-time fakers. Everyone faces discouragement and the confidence-draining feelings of disappointment and doubt. However, there are those who use disappointment as a launching-platform for progress. What [...]]]>

It can be easy to wonder at those who seem, with supreme confidence, to breeze through life in full self-esteem. I have news for you: they are big-time fakers. Everyone faces discouragement and the confidence-draining feelings of disappointment and doubt. However, there are those who use disappointment as a launching-platform for progress. What separates them from those who always seem to lose in the battle against discouragement?

Upon graduating High School, Jacob De Jager found little hope for his future.¹ His homeland of Holland had become occupied by Nazi Germany. He had planned to attend college. However, in order to attend a university in 1942, Dutch students were required to sign a declaration of loyalty to the occupying invaders. Without signing this document, Jacob risked deportation to Germany for slave labor which enabled the Nazi war effort in Europe.

His hopes dashed, Jacob wrestled with self-pity. The loss of this opportunity he had worked so hard to obtain was almost more than he could bear. At last, he decided to seek less orthodox options for education. Having an interest in languages, Jacob spent his time studying German, French and English. He would risk his life listening to foreign radio broadcasts, study on his own, and work with small groups of his peers. This is how Jacob spent the ensuing three years of his life.

Upon liberation from Germany, thanks to Allied Forces, Jacob joined the Canadian army. They put him to good use as a translator. Following the end of the war, the Dutch army, to his disappointment, drafted him and sent him off to Indonesia. Making the best of it, he learned the Malay (Bahasa Indonesia) language. It wasn’t until 1949 that Jacob was free to peruse his own desires: a full seven years after his graduation! He felt as though he had little to show for the time.

Most of us can empathize with the setbacks and stumbling blocks Jacob De Jager experienced, even though we probably have not suffered Nazi occupation. We all know what it is like to see cherished goals pass by unrealized; we’ve all been robbed of opportunity. Perhaps it has not been the outside world that has discouraged us, but rather, our mistakes and sins. Dispite these circumstances, the message of the gospel proclaims that through Christ, all of this can be overcome. That idea, though, is pretty abstract. Acknowledging such, there are ways to exercise this saving power of Christ in our lives and thus defeat discouragement.

The Battle Plan

First, prepare to be disappointed. Expectations shape reaction. Consider an experience most of us have had: disappointment in an overhyped movie. Sometimes the experiences are not bad in-and-of themselves, but rather, the contrast with our expectation is what creates the disappointment. Jacob de Jager learned from his trials that, ”…constant preoccupation with success in life may be of less importance than the role disappointments will play in the development of a person and his ultimate happiness and achievements[.] Experiencing discouragement can even speed up growth and development.” The trick is to prepare for disappointment without developing an attitude of pessimism.

A proper attitude may come as a result of having an emotional self-sufficiency. True, we need others in life. This is not a gospel of monasticism. Still, responsibility for our peace and happiness should never fully reside in others! As the captains of our destiny, we must not hand over the helm to others.

This certainly does not mean closing off one’s heart to the world and turning inward. It means that, in large part, our happiness begins when we end the plague of comparison. Our success is not relative to that of our friends. We have a higher standard of measurement. Besides, we cannot truly know how others measure up because our ignorance makes these judgments infinitely inadequate.

Second, come to Zion. Good people provide good influence, and the impact of environment is inestimable. However, it is easily discernible that a positive environment turn to battle in our favor. Being among other disciples pushes us to focus outwardly. The time we spend in building up the kingdom is time not spent in self-pity and depression.

Another reason that building the kingdom is such an effective weapon against discouragement is because the promise of confidence is contingent on charity. True confidence cannot be gained any other way. Instructing Joseph Smith, the Lord admonished that Priesthood holders in this matter:

“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.”²

What greater confidence can there be than “boldness in the day of judgment..”? ³ That confidence stems from the fact that the ultimate realization of God’s fundamental character lies in His perfect love. Thus, we obtain that boldness “…because as he is, so are we in this world” ³ if we obtain Charity.

Third, trust in the Lord. We tend to inherently trust people and institutions in which we have invested. Thus, we must ask ourselves: are we investing in the Savings Bonds of The Savior, or the  First Bank of Babylon? If you find yourself at a crossroad of choice, consider which you suppose is vulnerable to a run on it’s funds and which has proven it’s ability to back up it’s promise.

Trust is not the same as default passive acceptance. It denotes boldness and confidence. Thus, it demands real commitment. If we place our trust in the Lord, then we will dow whatever it takes to merit worthiness for His blessings. Our confidence, or trust, in God’s promises are thus shown in our obedience to His laws. ⁴

Fourth, pray. We can immediately pray in the moment we begin to feel negative emotions. That prayer of deliverance will be answered. Gene R. Cook taught it this way:

“To the degree you will learn to pray your way through a day, you will find that Satan and his evil influence will leave, the Spirit of the Lord will come, and you will be on top and be able to go through the trials that come your way.” ⁵

Answers to these prayers usually come with subtle counsel which, if obeyed, will provide the sought-for deliverance.

For example, you may be out with friends when a comment unintentionally begins to dig up regret and the waves of depression start their surge into the forefront of your mind.  Realizing what is happening from past events, and where it may lead, you can choose to call upon the Lord. You may offer a simple prayer pleading for comfort and the ability to overcome these feelings. Then, the spirit may whisper that you should send a message to a friend, complimenting them. Or, you may be prompted to share your gratitude with for one of God’s blessings with your companions. Then, as you follow that spiritual guidance, you will begin to feel peace and clarity and you will have learned an important lesson: that it is better to give than to receive. ⁶

The Plan in Action

We read in the Book of Mormon of a monumental crisis in the land, and how righteous servants of the Lord overcame the opposition of discouraging forces and circumstances.

Lachoneus, the political leader of the Nephites, received a letter from the commander of an outlaw army, Giddianhi. ⁷ His epistle is full of discouragement, fear-mongering, and intimidation. The reaction of Lachoneus and Gidgiddoni, his chief military officer, were not to allow doubt and fear to overcome them, but to take immediate action to ensure victory.

The steps that they followed were, among others, preparation, gathering, serving one-another, trusting in the Lord, and turning to Him in prayer. Similar circumstances can be found throughout scripture; each dealt with in a the same manner. It’s almost as if the Lord is trying to tell us something here…

Conclusion

In later years, Jacob De Jager would testify that those seven years of disappointment were actually a preparation for a good business career and church service. Jacob married, had children, and became vice-president of sales in a division of Phillips Electronics where his knowledge of language was valuable in international business. He served as an Elders Quorum counselor, Sunday School superintendent, branch president, Mission Presidency counselor, and a regional representative to the Netherlands, Spain, and France. ⁸

In 1976, Jacob De Jager was called to the First Quorum of Seventy. Holding that position for over seventeen years, he left a profound impact on those he served. Then, after a life of seeking to bless others, he passed away at age 81. As a testament to the greatness of this man, the speakers at his funeral included Presidents Thomas S. Monson, James E. Faust, Boyd K. Packer, and Elder Charles Didier.

This man certainly defeated discouragement. We too can face disappointment and difficulty and become, as a result, better disciples of Christ. Then, what President Monson has said of Jacob De Jager, may well be said of us:

“I’ve never met a person who said a bad word about Jacob de Jager[.] It didn’t matter what the subject, every time you asked about Jacob de Jager, you got a smile.” ⁹

1. ”Overcoming Discouragement”, New Era, March 1984
2. D&C 121:45
3. 1 john 4:17-28
4. D&C 130:20-21
5. Gene R. Cook (“How to Discourage Discouragement”, New Era, January 2003)
6. Acts 20:35
7. 3 Nephi 3
8. 2005 Church Almanac, pp. 18, 81
9. ”Tireless service: Church leaders eulogize Elder de Jager, international General Authority,” Church News Archives March 6, 2004

As disciples of Christ, we endeavor to overcome the natural state of mortal cares and desires. Perhaps we have a model in mind of what sort of person we would like to become. C.S. Lewis provided a brief outline of his desired “new man” and his attending characteristics:

“Already  the new men  are [...]]]>

As disciples of Christ, we endeavor to overcome the natural state of mortal cares and desires. Perhaps we have a model in mind of what sort of person we would like to become. C.S. Lewis provided a brief outline of his desired “new man” and his attending characteristics:

“Already  the new men  are dotted here  and  there all over  the earth. … Every now and then one meets them. Their very voices and faces are different from  ours;  stronger, quieter, happier, more radiant. They begin where most of us leave off.  … They will not  be very like the idea of ”religious people” which you have formed from your  general reading. They do not draw attention to themselves. You tend to think that you are being kind to them when they are really being kind to you. They love you more than other men do, but they need you less. They will usually seem to have a lot of time: you will wonder where it comes from.” ¹

My life has been a process of trial and error and error and error and error and success… followed by error. Today I will dispense with the normal format and share some more personal first-person experience in relation to my goal of becoming the kind of person Brother Lewis described. The key, as I have learned, is to somehow transition from a taker to a giver. After all, the Lord, or exemplar, was the ultimate giver. So, here is an adventure, through which I have learned a bit about that change.

Discussions in the Dark.

Experience causes me to consider summer nights as sacred. Perhaps it is the veiling of the blinding desert sun or the relief of the pressing daytime heat that allows an uncommon introspection. Gathered with friends, or in a one-on-one conversation, the weightier matters of the soul take precedence, and life-changing advice seems pulled down from heaven and shared. The recent long winter has begun it’s retreat, and so, the late-night school of ‘growing up’ resumes.

Standing outside a church building, long after everyone had left, I recently had an enriching conversation. Incredibly (though, it should be unsurprising from past events), my friend asked several questions related to topics on which I’d been ruminating for some time.  Both of us are old timers (though I’m undoubtedly an older-timer). We’ve both heard the same institute lessons from the same instructor for years on end. We know the lesson plans and the questions, and hopefully, we know the answers. For my friend, the whole thing had become an exercise in futility, and the frustration at turning her wheels in place while getting nowhere meant this, and other social activities, took a backseat to endeavors that offered a foreseeable return.

My question: why do you think I go?

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think I’m more ignorant than you, so that I haven’t really absorbed it all yet?”

“No, not at all.”

“Do you think I get more out of it than you?”

“I guess so. Why else would you go?”

“That’s a fair question.”

Not only is it fair; but it’s meaningful and pertinent.

How did I get here?

In the frustration of my teenage years I became unsatisfied and unchallenged with the usual mutual activities, but more, I was bored with the people. I began ditching weekly Mutal Activities to attend Institute classes, which were held on the same night. The older crowd there seemed exponentially more engaging and interesting. Their comments consistently taught me new things, which was an experience I couldn’t remember having until then. But more, he instructor opened my mind and heart to a love of the scriptures.

It was there, at the institute, that I learned it was okay to challenge my preconceived notions and understandings, and that, unlike my presumptions, there was much more to be mined in my gospel study. I finally tasted just how sweet and filling it is to feast upon the words of Christ.² That experience has had a greater impact on my life than anything else. And, like others who have experienced such mighty change, I became filled with a desire to share what I had come to know. This resulted in a full-time mission, in my glad acceptance of callings, whether to teach primary or gospel doctrine. It’s resulted in me being the guy, perhaps annoyingly so, who’s always ready to give an answer in a lesson. I want to share my joy of gospel learning.

My “why”.

I related the story to my friend.

“It used to be that I went to Institute, or YSA activities, or even church, for the purpose of being strengthened, to get something from it. Somewhere along the way I found my capacity to receive diminishing.”

“Interesting.”

“I think the real indication of growing up is the transition from taking to giving.”

“That makes sense.”

“At some point, I began going to institute, not for the lesson, but to contribute. There are people who go just because they want some guy to ask them out, or they go for the social aspect, or they go because it’s the path of least resistance. For whatever reason, they are in the same place I was, so many years ago. I want them to have that same experience I had. I want them to find a love for the gospel. I want them to see that this can change their lives.”

This concept has been an unfolding revelation that, until discussing last night, I didn’t truly understand myself.

“You know what’s interesting? I went through the same battle as you. After awhile, I wasn’t getting much out of classes. I’m grateful that somehow the Lord got it through my thick skull that I was going with the wrong attitude. So, out of all the ways I’m an idiot, I’ve somehow found purpose in these things. Now, I learn more than I ever had before. I have not exhausted what those lessons provide. I don’t think I ever will.”

For me, the war against self-interest and selfish desires is a constant one. I lose many of the battles along the way. I’m grateful to have learned, in some way, how to overcome my natural greediness. Now I can move on to the million other character flaws which find constant fertile fields in my heart.

What changes have you experienced in becoming a “new man”?

What has helped you transition from a taker to a giver?

What more do you need to sacrifice in order to grow?

1. C. S. Lewis, “Mere Christianity”, 117
2. 2 Nephi 3:23

Consider a star basketball player― he leads the league in points for every game and is a shoe-in for MVP. With unparalleled drive and ambition, he never rests on his laurels. Though his ability to put points on the board is unquestioned, his real desire is to conquer the record for most three-point [...]]]>

Consider a star basketball player― he leads the league in points for every game and is a shoe-in for MVP. With unparalleled drive and ambition, he never rests on his laurels. Though his ability to put points on the board is unquestioned, his real desire is to conquer the record for most three-point baskets in a game. Putting in the extra time to work on his distance shots, this player plans and works diligently toward his goal. In the last game of the season, he realizes that this is his last opportunity for a year and calculates the rate at which he must make his three-point shots in order to realistically achieve the goal.

At the front of the half he does quite well, but midway through the game it becomes apparent that he won’t reach his goal. Disappointed in his failure, he looses confidence and begins playing far below his ability. Things get so bad, in fact, that the coach makes the painful decision to bench his star player. The consequence of this game means the loss of the MVP title, mockery by the fans, and and eventual fading into obscurity.

Often, we too are like this athlete; full of skill, promise, and doing great things. Yet, somehow we become distracted as to the big picture. We become dissatisfied with the plan God has laid out for us and seek out our own goals above and beyond, or even aside from the Father’s will. This creates an unrealistic expectation. Soon enough, we fail in realizing our desires and loose hope, withdrawing from our pursuit of eternal life. In order to avoid unnecessary disappointments and find peace in this life, we need to realize and remember the big picture; the plan our Father has for us.

Know the Rules

In the same way that effective athletes must understand the rules and strategies of their sport we must understand the laws and principals of this mortal probation in order to achieve the desired outcome. Our resources for discovering these laws and principals are similar to rule books and coaches. As we diligently study the scriptures, we will gain an understanding of God’s laws. Then, through obedience, we will avoid the penalties whose effects may range from minor setbacks to major disadvantages. Our church leaders, friends, and family fill the role of coaches as they offer seasoned advice from experience and personal insight. Still, study and coaching find their fruition as athletes take what they’ve learned and practice. Thankfully, though sometimes exhausting, there are no halftimes or time-outs in the game of life.

Conform Your Goals

Even though constant and deep study and application of gospel principals will increase our ability to succeed in this life, it is important to frequently examine our assumptions. The truth is that we are influenced on every level in ways that go mostly unnoticed. We begin to develop assumptions about life that may not necessarily be in line with the Lord’s plan. The key is to always consider that God’s ways are higher than ours¹, and “man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend”.² Thus, we must scrutinize our operating assumptions and compare them with what the Lord has said in the matter.

When this examination takes place, the temptation may arise to resist change. These prideful feelings are the tool of the adversary who would have you believing and practicing incorrect principals. Just as a coach for the opposing team has no interest in informing rival players on strategy, so Satan is not interested in your understanding of laws and principals. Determine beforehand to resist these desires to fight the Lord and pray for the power to submit to His will.

As you do these things you will come to understand that a change in priorities is natural in progression toward Eternal Life. A willingness to adjust your priorities allows the Lord to lead you from His superior vantage point and understanding.

This life is for becoming

The purpose of this life is to prepare to meet God.³ Obviously, this does not mean merely getting back to His presence, since that’s where we already were prior to our mortal birth. Thus, the preparation of this life is to become something before we return. What, or who, we are to become is a disciple of the Savior. Becoming like Christ involves more than simply completing a checklist. The teachings of the Savior are far more about the inward person than just merely the outward appearance. In terms of success in this life, ”what have I accomplished” is an inferior gauge when compared to “who have I become”.

The ancient prophet Mormon laid out, in beautiful terms, what our goal for this life should be as he preached to a people turning from their master:

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. ⁴

We can only see the Savior for who he truly is as we become like him. And, though Mormon describes this eventual meeting in terms of Christ’s coming to earth, we may also apply it to the eventual day when every single one of us will meet him. If we desire that supernal day to be as it should, as Mormon implored his people to make it, then we will seek to follow God’s plan for us in following His son. Then, some day, we will have been purified through the atonement of Christ. Only then will we truly be prepared to meet God.

1. Isaiah 9:55
2. Mosiah 4:9
3. Alma 34:22
4. Moroni 7:46-48

I was a rain-dancer. The beginnings of my obsession with controlling the elements through my flailing and howling are not circumstances I can recall. Having spent the better part of my life in the desert, I’ve always treasured rain, and I suppose my love of precipitation was the motivating factor in [...]]]>

I was a rain-dancer. The beginnings of my obsession with controlling the elements through my flailing and howling are not circumstances I can recall. Having spent the better part of my life in the desert, I’ve always treasured rain, and I suppose my love of precipitation was the motivating factor in turning to wholly ignorant ritual. Gathering siblings, friends, and neighbors, I’d conduct the circular dance along the edge of our trampoline (perhaps the opportunity to jump on the tramp’ was how I motivated the other participants). We’d chant nonsense, and raise our hands high in the air. Eventually, we’d decide that God had accepted our ritual and return to our G.I. Joe’s. Here’s the funny thing: I was legitimately convinced that it worked. I felt sure that my rain dances brought water down from the clouds, and thus, by exerting effort, I could control nature itself. Obviously, this was a childish and humorous misunderstanding that has hardly harmed me.

Sadly, there are still equivalent “rain dances” that each of us do in our adult lives. When we convince ourselves that we hold power over things we actually can’t control we set ourselves up for chronic failure and disappointment, while simultaneously distracting ourselves from true improvement.

Concern Vs. Influence

An understanding of the limited nature of our time and attention is requisite to understanding this concept. I’ve already covered that in earlier posts¹, so if the concept sounds foreign, please read those first.

Concerns are matters upon which we naturally focus our time and attention. If I’m concerned about an upcoming job interview, it will always be on my mind, whether at the front or the back. If I’m concerned about the outcome of a basketball game, then I’ll probably be thinking about it regardless of where I’m at and what I’m doing. By themselves, concerns are neutral— neither positive or negative. Our choice in how we process those concerns determines their relative merit and usefulness. This is where influence comes into play.

Influence is the power to control a chosen outcome or situation. It is critical that our concerns never exceed our influence, otherwise our time and attention are wasted. For instance, I have no influence over the outcome of a basketball game, as a fan. Even the players do not have complete influence over a game, because they cannot control the other team. The crazed sports fan, in this sense, is analogous to my childish rain dances. Now, foam-fingered folks are fairly easy targets, and cheering on a team is essentially harmless. However, there are other, more sinister (and sadly) common examples.

Have you ever longed for a certain someone to reciprocate your affections for them, holding out and waiting around for them to change their feelings? If so, you would be placing your concern outside your influence. You cannot change the desires of another person, and focusing on getting them to change distracts you from opportunities for growth and betterment. Have you ever lost sleep worrying about a social mistake made during the day? If so, you’re allowing your time and attention to become hijacked by a concern that is outside your influence— unless you happen to own a time machine. You cannot change the past, and obsessing over it will only keep you from making the changes today that will effect how you act in the future.

All in all, as we clear the foggy haze of delusion we’ve built around some of these common concerns, it’s easy to see the solution.

• Don’t worry about your grade; make the time for proper study and do it.
• Don’t worry about whether people like you; gain confidence through developing Christlike character.
• Don’t worry about the economy; budget your income and improve your skills to live within your means.
• Don’t worry about your unappreciative partner; pray and work for charity to love them in spite of their weakness.
• Don’t worry about the shortcomings of church leaders; magnify your calling and strengthen your support.
• Don’t worry about your weight; change the habits in your life that contribute to the problem.

The thing is, we often choose to worry rather than do because it seems easier— or at least, less scary. Truth be told, it’s a deadly deception because cramming concerns into our psyche begins the sorrowful decline of our influence. This is the same, sorry cycle seen in the alcoholic who seeks comfort in the bottle, eventually losing control of their decisions and accumulating an ever-greater pile of regrets. The good news is that the atonement of Christ offers the means to break free of the cycle. This is what the Savior was teaching when he said:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” ²

He will help us to see the work we must do, and in exchange for putting forth the effort in the correct place, he will offer us peace.

So, my challenge is to make a list of your concerns. Then, prayerfully consider which of those over which you actually have influence and separate your concerns into those you can influence, and those you can’t.  Consider how the concerns you cannot influence may be deceiving you in how you spend your time and attention. Keep this list with you and contemplate it throughout the week, then report back on how it has modified your time and attention.

1. “Giving The Lord His Fair Share”
“Tackling One Task at A Time”
2. Matthew 11:28-30

In 2005 I was in a bad place in my life with so many changes I needed to make that it was utterly overwhelming and discouraging.

Then I made one of the smartest decisions of my life (aside from marrying Eva):

I chose just one habit.

via The Spiral of Successful Habits [...]]]> Leo Babauta:

In 2005 I was in a bad place in my life with so many changes I needed to make that it was utterly overwhelming and discouraging.

Then I made one of the smartest decisions of my life (aside from marrying Eva):

I chose just one habit.

via The Spiral of Successful Habits | zen habits.

The more effort i put into personal growth, the more I’m finding how right Leo is. Accomplishing a goal propels you onto more success. Don’t sabotage yourself with a multitude of goals.

via The tyranny of choice: You choose | The Economist.

Discipline creates liberty, not only due to increased access [...]]]>

“As options multiply, there may be a point at which the effort required to obtain enough information to be able to distinguish sensibly between alternatives outweighs the benefit to the consumer of the extra choice.”

via The tyranny of choice: You choose | The Economist.

Discipline creates liberty, not only due to increased access to the atonement, but also because it lifts mental burdens. It’s easy to list, off-hand, many common choices which are absent from the concern of a disciplined Latter-day Saint when it comes to our observance of chastity, the word of wisdom, etc. The issue appears when we rest on our laurels and don’t go as far as we could in eliminating unnecessary and useless options from our lives.

Lately I’ve been ruminating over several of the more memorable life experiences I’ve had in my day. Recounting my tales of adventure has helped me to realize that the greatest blessings of my life have come as a result of seizing an opportunity, without a knowledge of the outcome.

In June of 1940, [...]]]>

Lately I’ve been ruminating over several of the more memorable life experiences I’ve had in my day. Recounting my tales of adventure has helped me to realize that the greatest blessings of my life have come as a result of seizing an opportunity, without a knowledge of the outcome.

In June of 1940, in the dark days of World War II, Winston Churchill offered insightful advice to his people. The point he was seeking to convey is still very pertinent to our time:

“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, `This was their finest hour’.”¹

Churchill recognized that Britain’s response in that moment would set the course for years to come. In our hum-drum living, it’s easy to doubt the importance of our decisions. That line of reasoning fails to account for just what made great people and generations as great as they where: their decision to seize an opportunity.

A Scriptural Example.

Nephi, son of Helaman, had been the chief judge over the people in his day. However, when he saw the corruption and wickedness among the people he did a peculiar thing― he gave up his political office to work and preach among the people.² None of us would expect to see our president resign in order to dig in the trenches, and it must have been shocking back then as well. Nephi seized an opportunity, took a bold chance, and went on to become one of the greatest missionaries in recorded scripture. I’m confident that, where he here today, he would acknowledge his gratefulness for that decision so long ago.

How?

The funny thing about opportunities is that they must be recognized in order to be utilized. So often in life we see what we are looking for, and it’s no different with opportunities. We probably pass them by daily, but we are guaranteed to miss them if we’re not paying attention. Of course, the best way to recognize that which we may miss with our mortal eyes is through the Holy Ghost. Pray for the spirit so that you will see opportunities for what they are.

It’s fine and dandy to say that we need to get the spirit, but it’s a whole other manner to actually do it. I can attest that one of the surest ways to develop a stronger sensitivity to the spirit, and thus gain an enlightened discernment, is to make it your goal to immediately follow your promptings. The Lord will test your willingness to obey until you can establish yourself as worthy of the things He has in store for you.

Last of all, don’t give up early― have faith! All these things take time, and often, it is in the waiting that we find out who we truly are.

Faith-based Road Trip.

Several years ago the senior missionary couple serving at my local institute invited some friends and I up to Temple Square during the Holiday Season. We would have to find our own way up there, and figure out where to stay, but they said they would love to spend time with us. We concluded that this was a great opportunity and the plans were laid for the trip.

Over the next couple weeks our plans unraveled. Two of those who were going to travel with us bailed out, along with their connections and gas money. We were scrambling up until the day we left to scrounge up the resources to make this journey. We considered canceling the plans, but we each felt we should continue with our trip. So, off we went, not knowing where we’d stay, how we’d eat, or if we’d even be able to afford the gas to return home.

The density of the miracles which occurred in this faith-based road trip were astounding to me. At every corner we were provided for, and had the means to survive and beyond. We were able to experience the spirit in bounty as we relied on the Lord. That experience sealed life-long friendships and leaves me grateful for the Lord. The spiritual experiences we had together opened my eyes.

Conclusion.

That trip was a simple story. I did not end up building homes in Guatemala or digging wells in Africa, but to me it was life-altering for the better. Some times these experiences are not going to make fantastical stories, but they will change us forever.

In a recent talk given at BYU, Elder Claudio R. M. Costa compared each of us to a beautiful ship. Man of us are docked in protective harbors, which seems a great option. However, Elder Costa points out that ships are made, not to sit in a bay, but to sail the seas. He shared some of his personal feelings about having left the safety of the harbors, and then offered this profound insight:

“I testify to you that every time we left the security of our harbors, it has brought more happiness to our lives. It has been much better than being anchored in the harbor with no progress, where we could not experience the color and excitement that has been present in our lives.”³

What opportunities have blessed your life?
What keeps you from seizing opportunities?
How are you going to be better?

1. Winston S. Churchill - From a speech of 18 June 1940
2. Helaman 5:1
3.Claudio R. M. Costa “Ships Are Safe in the Harbor”, BYU Devotional, 2 November 2010