First, it bears mentioning that there are some pitfalls to avoid when considering the opinion of your friends. One pitfall to avoid is the peer pressure trap. This is why it is important to surround yourself with good people; friends who won’t ask you to compromise your values. It would certainly be foolish to take advice from somebody who’s incapable of being a decent human being. This is why your close group of friends requires careful consideration. Then, after you know you can trust their voice, you can use their feedback in an empowering manner. Additionally, you should never become prey to decision-based paralysis over fear of what others will think of you. Although concern for the thoughts of others is paramount to being a decent human being, it’s deeply and painfully ineffective to make a decision based off of mysterious unknowns. What I am proposing is to instead make choices based off the information you do have. If you’re unsure of how friends will react to a certain decision then simply ask them. The world needs to revisit the lost art of counseling with trusted peers.

The importance and usefulness of counseling with a group of friends becomes apparent when you examine the social circles of people who’ve made great change. Pick a great poet, politician, master architect, or musician. Now, research their close group of associates. You will find something very interesting and compelling: the best in any field in any time are usually close friends². There are multiple reasons for this, but among them is something pertinent to this topic. The fact is, that through many means, these people of similar interest and drive found each-other and then developed relationships that afforded them the positive power of feedback and criticism within a group of challenging and inspiring peers.

This powerful social propellant is not just reserved for society’s elite, or the famous, or geniuses. Anyone can make use of this, and it doesn’t take club meetings, agendas, exhaustive surveys, or lengthy studies. Start today. Start by asking your friends simple questions that will get you the information you want. Some possible questions you may ask are:

• What is one way you think that I can improve as a person?
• Is there anything I have been neglecting to do that’s important? What?
• Tell me one thing I do that may be harming my relationship with others.
• Have you noticed any bad habits I have? What are they?

It is important that, once you’ve obtained the feedback, do not turn to anger or defensiveness. Odds are, your initial reaction will be to dismiss their opinion as incorrect. Realize that this is because what your friend sees is not apparent to you, not because it isn’t reality. Don’t allow your pride to get in the way. Thankfully take the feedback and determine how to use it. This should be a useful part of your goal-setting and planning. Finally, check in with your friends regularly to discuss your progress. This keeps you accountable³, as well as allows you to gauge your progress and gain insight.

As an example, I’m going to request that readers leave comments answering this question for me: how can I improve my blog?

1) A disturbing facet of our modern society is the inability of our leaders to actually lead. Instead, they seem to test and retest the waters of public opinion as often as the average person blinks, and then cautiously do nothing for fear of stepping on the wrong ant.

2) Some examples:

• MoTown (Smokey Robinson, Diana Ross, and Stevie Wonder were young friends)
• Italian Renaissance (Masaccio, Donatello, and Leonardo da Vinci were contemporaries and associates with Cosimo de’Medicci)

3) See this old post under heading “Accountability”

Create or Criticize?

In a recent fiery Email exchange with Gawker employee Ryan Tate, Apple CEO Steve Jobs closed with a bold and meaningful question. Tate had been arguing with Jobs over a number of Apple’s recent policies. In response to Tate’s critical opposition, jobs wrote:

“By the way, what have you done that’s so great? Do you create anything, or just criticize others work and belittle their motivations?”

Regardless of whether you’re a fan of Jobs and Apple, the point stands on it’s own. Our modern society has created an overwhelming surplus of editors but a shortage of creators. This extreme imbalance between creators and consumers causes numerous issues. One is an extreme sense of entitlement which stems from a misunderstanding of the creative process. Since content is so easily and massively available, we assume that it is easy to create. We end up replacing respect for the creator with an expectation that our wants should be catered to without any contribution on our part. This disregard discourages today’s potential Einstein‘s and Edison’s. We learn at a young age, in our modern world, that to create takes enormous (and often unappreciated) risk.

Many Consumers, but few Creators

Now, despite a desire to change the tides of our society, and aside from my own views of our degeneration, the real reason I’m writing this is because there’s a principal that all creative types have learned: creating is the most rewarding and fulfilling experience we can have as humans. Opposed to this is also the principal that to destroy is always easier than to create. Thus, we’re constantly betwixt two choices, namely happiness and ease.

Happiness vs. Ease

You can very easily choose to take the low road and use your energy to criticize and belittle. It takes little or no personal investment so you lose nothing. Where nothing is given, nothing is returned. Essentially, the creative process is a choice to live by the law of the harvest; you reap what you sow! Of course, you can decide not to sow, since that requires work, and perhaps failure. Then again, if you choose that route you can have no expectation of harvest. Thus, as any who’ve seen the fruit of their labor will tell you, the work is always worth it because some return is always better than no return.

Some return is always better than no return

An important consideration: we should plant the seeds that are going to yield a crop we desire. Nobody would plant a salsa garden if they hated Mexican food. In like manner, we do not all need to exercise creativity by becoming painters. Though for some painting may be the most rewarding endeavor, for others it may be just as fulfilling to write, to build, to invent, or to bring people together. Creating a solid human being by raising a child is just as much a creative process as writing a song, but they are very different.

So, my challenge to you is to choose to create rather than destroy.

Look at your opportunities to build.

Decide what you would like to produce, roll your sleeves up, and get to work TODAY.

Everyone has beaten the term “out of the box” to a bloody pulp from artists to productivity gurus. Sadly, for most of those I respect and consult often I can see their brain turn off when they hear me say it. However, despite it’s cliché and disappointing triteness, the abstract concept associated with it is priceless and of extreme importance.

In order to understand and apply the concept two things must be addressed:

The Two Steps

1.    Where are the walls of your box?
2.    What can you do to get out of it?

How big is your box?

The invisible, but nonetheless very real limitations we put on ourselves are varying and individual.  I could write a tremendous amount on how to determine where your comfort zone is, but for the sake of brevity and actually accomplishing something I will try to distill it into a simple act.

Take a moment and think about all of those things you’ve always wanted or meant to do, but haven’t. Identify a few of the reasons you have not done these. It shouldn’t take much time to find some patterns. Perhaps it’s fear of rejection, perhaps it’s laziness (my vice of choice), but whatever it is, this is essentially your self-imposed line in the sand, this is your box.

What is your box?

Obviously there are purposeful and important demarcations for things you simply wont do. I have a line drawn at murdering someone. I wouldn’t suggest crossing it. Therefore, the next step is to divide the good lines from the bad ones. Only you can decide this. The best advice I can give you here is to use your conscience.

Now that you know where the walls to your box are and which ones should be breached it’s time to do something about it.

The Box Cutter

Getting out of the box should be seen not as a snap judgment to do something out of the ordinary. This leads to things like extreme itching, rashes, and horrible headaches (not to mention regret).  Instead tackle this like you would any other goal. Plan out the ways you will get over your fear. If possible, break it down into daily activity. There’s no substitute for the daily accomplishing of a task in order to complete a given objective.

I’ve said it before and will most likely say it again: make yourself accountable. Let trusted friends and, if needed, even the denizens of the Interweb know what your plans are and that they can hold you to your word. This will improve your ability to accomplish your goals.

GO DO IT.

An Example

A few years ago I realized I had put myself into a box of taking too much comfort in routine. I saw that this stifled my creative ability and generally made me boring. My weeks passed with nothing to show for all that time. Determining that the cause of this was laziness, I resolved to spend one week extending and overextending myself. It was my first week in the notorious B.H.A.G. experiment, and I saw it as an opportunity to get back to really living life.

What I did was take the whole week and cram every hour with doing something. I planned things that would purposely add to the emotional intensity of my life; staying out late with friends, going to the beach, attending several concerts, sharing my favorite movies with friends, exercising, doing my best at work, reading and studying, taking more photographs, writing, and more.

Crazy Week

The result was that I had one of the best weeks of my life. I was able to write at least ten songs at that time and built strong relationships with others that have paid off again and again. I also experienced extreme discomfort in the form of things like sunburn, an empty stomach, and rejection from the opposite sex.

All in all I learned more in that week than I had for most of the previous year. The point of all this is that we should all be having these experiences more often. Each of us is going to die. Let’s do some stuff before then, okay?

Let me know what you plan on doing to get out of your box.
What are you major hurdles?
Have you experienced this in your life?
Give me some feedback.