A long-time friend and mentor once told me a piece of advice that greatly altered the way I handle other’s perceptions of me. He said, “If everyone thinks you’re a jerk, then you’re probably a jerk.” What I extracted from that terse bit of advise was that our perceptions of ourselves can be fatally gracious. We are often so easy on ourselves that we ignore the repeated consensus of those who can see us from a less biased third-person view. It may well be argued that in many situations the popular opinion is inaccurate at best. This is certainly true if you’re a politician, CEO, Celebrity, or some other prominently public figure¹. However, it has been my experience that for the average, non-paparazzi-ridden human being, the judgement of our peers can be a tremendously useful behavioral barometer.
Continue reading Using Criticism for Good →
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There’s a common axiom used in regards to interpersonal relationship: “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” The trouble with this course of thought is that saying nothing at all has little positive benefit. Some folks would never utter a syllable. I suggest an improvement to this line of reasoning, which is, “find something nice to say.” [...] The reasons that people do not always live up to what they say are innumerable, and it could quite possibly cause insanity to figure them all out. Thus, it’s quite trivial and a tremendous waste of time to allow the hypocrisy of others to adversely affect us. If someone is constantly falling short, flaking out, disappointing, then the problem is not with them, it is with you. Thankfully there is a clear and reliable way to decipher intent and thus alter expectations so that they dwell in reality. [...] |
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