The great bash to our human pride here is that true heroism comes not in our rushing to the aid of a victim in their plight, but rather in joining in common unity with them. The most effective way to keep a needy person needy is to treat them like a needy [...]]]>

James Shelley:

The great bash to our human pride here is that true heroism comes not in our rushing to the aid of a victim in their plight, but rather in joining in common unity with them. The most effective way to keep a needy person needy is to treat them like a needy person. The most effective way to “de-victimize” someone is to offer them inclusion into an tribe of unvictimized individuals who refuse to abide by the power dynamics of the victim, villain and hero triangle.

via Victims, Villains and Heroes : James Shelley.

This post is full of so much awesomeness.
Particularly relevant to church leaders.

The question stares us in the face: is the cost of fostering this culture of rabid individualism really worth it? What do we honestly think we gain by choosing to not interact with strangers?

via Talking to Strangers : James Shelley.

This is an astounding post of perfect length. Go give it [...]]]> James Shelley:

The question stares us in the face: is the cost of fostering this culture of rabid individualism really worth it? What do we honestly think we gain by choosing to not interact with strangers?

via Talking to Strangers : James Shelley.

This is an astounding post of perfect length. Go give it a read.

In our modern society it becomes ever easier to shut other people out. Thus, communication becomes a matter of convenience and not an essential aspect of humanity. How can disciples of Christ simply shut the door of their hearts to God’s children? This is something most of us are very guilty of.

Tevya discussed just how important it is to care. It got me thinking.

Obligatory Mission Story:

One day a beloved Assistant tot he President called and asked if he could take me out on exchanges; he’d been [...]]]> Tevya Washburn at Mormon Lifehacker put up an awesome post: Share the Joy of Successes to Strengthen Relationships.

Tevya discussed just how important it is to care. It got me thinking.

Obligatory Mission Story:

One day a beloved Assistant tot he President called and asked if he could take me out on exchanges; he’d been unable to do any tracting in weeks and missed it. I thought he was nuts, but agreed to go with him.

Serving in the Bible Belt, knocking on doors usually resulted in polite dismissal at best and at worst, verbal conflicts. The worst happened far more often than you’d think. The Elder drove us out to a small podunk town and we began knocking on doors. The first door, somebody answered and we had a long and sincere conversation. Although they were not interested in our church, they informed us about most of their neighbors and pointed us to those who needed a good does of Jesus.

The next door was opened by an older woman, and her connection with this missionary seemed as though they were long-lost friends reuniting. She seemed caught in his eyes and fully absorbing everything he said. She expressed gratitude for our message and arranged for another visit at a better time. This meeting was repeated door after door to teenagers, old men with canes, and stressed-out stay-at-home moms. It was incredible. Every door opened, and every person showed us great appreciation.

It bothered me all the way home that this had happened. How was it possible?! This missionary hadn’t done anything different from me that I could discern, and yet, he was received in a way I’d never seen. Pulling into the parking lot at his apartment he asked if I had any questions.

“How do you get people to talk to you like that?”

He smiled, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. It was almost as if he had wanted me to ask that questions the whole time.

“When people know you love them, they will want to listen to you.”

I thought of all the excuses and self defenses you’d expect. So I don’t love the people?! So, I’ve gone a whole year plus of missionary work without caring about the people? You’re saying you’re better than me?!

Those thoughts were quickly brushed from my mind because of my realization of the fear I had for really putting my heart out there for these strangers to break. I wasn’t willing to risk it, and by that I could see that maybe I really didn’t love them as much as I had supposed.

That moment changed my church service forever. I had to make a choice that I was going to be open in expressing my love and that I was going to earnestly seek that charity I saw in this elder.

Following the resurrection, Christ gave His Apostles a commission to teach all nations and baptize them into the fold of God¹. Latter-day Saints take this commission with the utmost seriousness, sending tens of thousands of missionaries into the world to preach the gospel. Then, as everyday members, we hear the number of new [...]]]>

Following the resurrection, Christ gave His Apostles a commission to teach all nations and baptize them into the fold of God¹. Latter-day Saints take this commission with the utmost seriousness, sending tens of thousands of missionaries into the world to preach the gospel. Then, as everyday members, we hear the number of new converts each year and are pleased with the success. To many of us, the commission of Christ has become a well-oiled and successful system. If that were the case, then these words would never have been uttered from President Hinckley:

“It is wonderful. But it is not enough. I am not being unrealistic when I say that with concerted effort, with recognition of the duty which falls upon each of us as members of the Church, and with sincere prayer to the Lord for help, we could double that number.” ²

Missionary work is not a program; it’s a lifestyle. It is gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. It is living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Same System = Same Results

Despite intense emphasis and years of experience, most of us continue to struggle in sharing the gospel, and it’s easier to point out the errors than offer solutions. Still, a brief examination of common mistakes in missionary work proves instructive. For example, doing it for the numbers is not wrong because numerals are somehow satanic, but rather the removal of individuality and sincere love for a person are at risk of being lost when we doggedly focus on narrow-minded results. The usual outgrowth of this strategy is guilt, a less-effective motivator at best. This approach creates a divide between us and them; church members and non-members. If we see every non-Mormon as a potential point in our favor than we’re drifting pretty far from the Savior’s approach.

Another standard error is a heavy reliance on missionaries to do the work. Only a small fraction of the church members are serving full-time missions. There’s simply no way that our success will increase by passing the buck to them. Even if we do take our responsibility in seriousness, we often find ourselves looking in the wrong places. We tend to ignore the natural relationships the Lord has caused in our lives in favor of seeking out strangers with an ulterior motive to baptize them. That’s a shaky foundation for friendship. Perhaps we tend to focus on strangers because we can de-personalize the work, and thus quiet our fear and anxiety in sharing the good news. But, does that sound right to anybody?

Beware “New Programs”

Every few years, missionaries will come along with a new program. This system promises miraculous results as if the spiritual destiny of the world is in the hands of party planners. These are generally the same old re-hashed ideas. The truth is that programs don’t save people, preaching does.

Alma and his fellow-workers in the kingdom understood this principal when they saw a threatening current of public opinion outside the church that nearly consumed the consciousness of the Nephite people, leading many away from the kingdom:

“And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God.” ³

Later, another Chief Judge, Nephi, saw the same need. Though he held powerful political position, he surrendered it in order to preach:

“And it came to pass that Nephi had become weary because of their iniquity; and he yielded up the judgment-seat, and took it upon him to preach the word of God all the remainder of his days…” ⁴

Each of these accounts resulted in far-reaching and significant political, social, and spiritual changes among the people of that day— so will our preaching.

Doing Missionary Work Vs. Being A Missionary

Perhaps the most frequent trap we may fall into is to do missionary work without being a missionary. What is the difference? Elder Lynn G. Robbins explained this in General Conference:

“Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn checkmarks with to be’s. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday, which is a to do. But being a good husband is not an event; it needs to be part of my nature—my character, or who I am.” ⁵

Likewise, missionary work, or the preaching of the gospel, and the invitation to come unto Christ, should be a part of our very nature. Missionary work is about using opportunities, not forcing them. A true missionary honors the agency of his fellowmen. Therefore, the meeting of (1) a receptive hearer and (2) a friend in tune with the Spirit is the optimal opportunity for the gospel to be shared. And thus, we must be worthy servants at all times.

The Error of Expectations

Never expect to quantify the impact of your labors in this life. Our mortal probation is not about the return, but the work. Rather, let your motivation be love and not merely accomplishment. Attitude is key in this work.

“No one baptized in Kingston. Just ask any missionary who labored there. Time in Kingston was marked on the calendar like days in prison. A missionary transfer to another place—any place—would be uppermost in thoughts, even in dreams.

“While I was praying about and pondering this sad dilemma, for my responsibility then as a mission president required that I pray and ponder about such things, my wife called to my attention an excerpt from the book A Child’s Story of the Prophet Brigham Young. She read aloud that Brigham Young entered Kingston, Ontario, on a cold and snow-filled day. He labored there about 30 days and baptized 45 souls. Here was the answer. If the missionary Brigham Young could accomplish this harvest, so could the missionaries of today.

“Without providing an explanation, I withdrew the missionaries from Kingston, that the cycle of defeat might be broken. Then the carefully circulated word: ‘Soon a new city will be opened for missionary work, even the city where Brigham Young proselyted and baptized 45 persons in 30 days.’ The missionaries speculated as to the location. Their weekly letters pleaded for the assignment to this Shangri-la. More time passed. Then four carefully selected missionaries—two of them new, two of them experienced—were chosen for this high adventure. The members of the small branch pledged their support. The missionaries pledged their lives. The Lord honored both.

“In the space of three months, Kingston became the most productive city of the Canadian Mission. The grey limestone buildings still stood; the city had not altered its appearance; the population remained constant. The change was one of attitude. The label of doubt yielded to the label of faith.” ⁶

When we decide what should or shouldn’t happen, what the measure of our success is, then we put mortal limits on an Eternal God. Our only expectation should be that, as we work in the power of the spirit, we will fulfill the Lord’s purposes.

24/7 Missionaries

This work requires the spirit, and thus, worthiness is integral. Consider the counsel from Joseph Smith on this matter:

“Let the Saints remember that great things depend on their individual exertion, and that they are called to be co-workers with us and the Holy Spirit in accomplishing the great work of the last days” ⁷

Knowing the importance of our companionship with the Spirit, Satan will seek to disrupt this connection either by severing the line completely, or by creating so much interference that it becomes impossible to hear the still, small voice. We can be assured that each time we experience great temptations there lies, just ahead, an opportunity to bless a life.

Equipped without he strength of the spirit, we can begin our work. But how do we do it? Henry B. Eyring offered up this useful insight:

“You are called to represent the Savior. Your voice to testify becomes the same as His voice, your hands to lift the same as His hands. His work is to bless His Father’s spirit children with the opportunity to choose eternal life. So, your calling is to bless lives. .

“Your call has eternal consequences for others and for you. In the world to come, thousands may call your name blessed, even more than the people you serve here. They will be the ancestors and the descendants of those who chose eternal life because of something you said or did, or even what you were. . .You see, there are no small callings to represent the Lord.” ⁸

Thus, our obligation is to serve others in the manner Christ would. We do this by standing as a witness in all times and places. That extends in to such a variety of circumstances that elaboration becomes impossible. However, one example was given by President Uchtdorf at General Conference:

“My dear young friends, perhaps the Lord’s encouragement to ‘open [your] mouths’  might today include ‘use your hands’ to blog and text message the gospel to all the world! But please remember, all at the right time and at the right place.

Brothers and sisters, with the blessings of modern technology, we can express gratitude and joy about God’s great plan for His children in a way that can be heard not only around our workplace but around the world. Sometimes a single phrase of testimony can set events in motion that affect someone’s life for eternity.” ⁹

Conclusion

As we seek opportunities to share the gospel, we will find them. They will not occur on our time-table and according to our expectations, but they will have a lasting impact in the lives of others. Begin by sharing testimony of gospel principals and uplifting thoughts on social networks, text messages, or in conversation. Then, seek other means of preaching the gospel in natural ways. This is what it means to live as a missionary.

1. Matthew 28:19-20
2. “Find the Lambs, Feed the Sheep,” President Gordon B. Hinckley
3. Alma 31:5
4.. Helaman 5:4
5. “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?”, April 2011 General Conference
6. Thomas S. Monson, ”Labels,” Ensign, Sept. 2000, 5
7. “Teachings”, 178
8. ”Rise to Your Call,” Ensign, Nov. 2002, 76
9. “Waiting on the Road to Damascus”, April 2011 General Conference

There’s something we might all be addicted to, of which few of us are aware. Like any other addiction, we use it to fill a hole in our psyche. But, just as a structure built of too much spackle and plaster becomes weak and vulnerable, so our confidence and courage may become crushed [...]]]>

There’s something we might all be addicted to, of which few of us are aware. Like any other addiction, we use it to fill a hole in our psyche. But, just as a structure built of too much spackle and plaster becomes weak and vulnerable, so our confidence and courage may become crushed under the weight of reality if we take this easy way out. The concept I’m alluding to is what I like to call Cotton Candy Advice. It may be sweet and satisfying for a moment, but it offers no sustenance in the long-run.

Why we like easy advice

Let’s face it: we don’t want the hard answers. When discussing life with friends and family, the last thing we want is some unsettling revelation of just what’s wrong with us. We don’t want to come away from social interaction with a to-fix list of our faults. As well, nobody wants to be the contrarian who points out faults in others because those types are most often seen as modern-day chicken littles. Hard advice is just as tough to give as it is to receive.

On the other hand, the bits of easy advice we tend to throw out like like verbal candy hearts are generally appreciated. They pump our egos and leave our minds free of the burden of critical thinking. Sadly, like everything else in life, where little is invested, little is gained.

Why we should like hard advice more

Unlike the conversational pats on the back that we usually offer to friends and family, the hard advice can actually serve to fix us. This is a result of supplying a clearer vision of reality. Fear and anxiety are a natural consequence from the disparity between our beliefs of how things are and actual reality. If your suppositions about life do not align with the truth, then confusion and poor choices are sure to follow. This is why we need the spirit, which instructs us as to the way things really are¹. Obviously we don’t get it on our own; our human understanding is quite limited. The good news is that by seeing things for what they truly are, we can better equip ourselves to act, and not merely be acted upon². If we had a proper bearing on reality, we could easily discern the yes men (those in it for themselves) from the true, caring friends.

How do we get better at taking the hard advice?

Most of our acceptance of easy answers does not come from a willful neglect of truth, but out of lacking conscientiousness. It’s far to easy to float down the lazy river of thoughtlessness, and we all fall into this lull every day. The key is deciding beforehand to refuse the easy-out. When a friend, family member, co-worker, or other associate gives you one of those easy answers, offer a counterpoint. Don’t do it in an attempt to illicit an argument, but rather to present an alternative. Observe their reaction and note if they begin an actual analysis of the issue. Some of the best advice I’ve been given has been due to this simple step.

Another means of obtaining quality answers from others is merely to request it; ask for the harsh, honest truth. Tell them that you won’t take offense, but are looking for their honest opinion. If you want to experience a life-altering moment, spend a week asking those closest to you this question: what can I do, starting today, to be a better person? You’ll be amazed at the responses.

A third step toward an acceptance of difficult advice is to change your metric for respect. It’s easy to love those who agree with us and support us unconditionally, but that adoration hardly stretches us beyond present conditions. Try to see the danger in those who excuse issues with the refrain of, “all is well in Zion”³. Develop a suspicion about those who disregard any discontent. Embrace those who possess the powerful dual-attributes of being critical yet supportive.

Pitfalls to avoid

None of this is encouragement to become an emotional masochist. Don’t allow the opinion of others to define you; that’s never healthy. Instead, embrace your power to change the definition of who you are through faith and hard work. Confidence comes from within; never from without. It comes from living according to the truth.

Don’t accept emotional abuse from those who would tear you down for their own pleasure or to stroke their ego. It’s easy to vacillate between two extremes; between freely accepting the cotton-candy advice and governing your life by focus group. Neither of those poles is a healthy climate.

Most of all, exercise patience. It would be unwise to expect immediately profound answers. Give yourself time to weigh what others say, and be fair to them by allowing them the self-same privilege to spend time pondering their reply.

“I don’t know”

Sometimes, the hardest answer is “I don’t know”. And yet, if we were honest, this one would be most common. A good friend will tell you when they don’t know. It takes courage to admit this, and friends who do are obviously not in it for their own glory. However, an even better friend will not only admit ignorance, but will also move forward and find an answer; they’ll work for you. Those friends who actually invest in you are precious; don’t sell them short.

Conclusion

So, how have you been able to cut through the garbage and obtain good advice?

What ways have you found helpful in given that difficult advice to others?

lastly, I swear, if one of you weisenheimers replies to this blog saying, “here’s some hard advice: everyone hates this blog” then I’m going to fire every last one of you, I swear!

1. Jacob 4:13
2. 2 Nephi 2:14
3. 2 Nephi 28:21

Some may mistakingly suppose that I write according to my strengths. That’s a mistake. Many of these principals and practices are concepts I’m slogging through, working at, and trying to absorb for myself.  Much of this I willingly acknowledge as personal shortcomings. This post is one of those; I’m still figuring it out. [...]]]>

Some may mistakingly suppose that I write according to my strengths. That’s a mistake. Many of these principals and practices are concepts I’m slogging through, working at, and trying to absorb for myself.  Much of this I willingly acknowledge as personal shortcomings. This post is one of those; I’m still figuring it out. I have, however, learned some important things along the way.

Intimacy is one of those words that could easily elicit negative reactions from readers. Great, this is going to be about reproduction, pornography, or some other chastity-based topic. Thanks, but I’d rather not. There is, however, an important facet of intimacy that suffers from oversimplification. For our purpose we will define intimacy is a closeness and familiarity in human interaction. Thus, an ecclesiastical leader may have some form of intimacy in their knowledge of your private struggles. Or, your parents may have an intimate understanding of your desires and hopes for the future.

It does not take much common sense to admit that the level of intimacy we share with our spouse would not be suitable for a gym buddy. Sadly, as the saying goes, common sense is not always common practice. A foible shared by most of mankind is the misapplication of intimacy. As with other principals, we cannot run contrary to this one and come out unscathed. Like all of our inborn abilities, intimacy must be used “in wisdom and in order” ¹. Therefore, we must examine the common issues of intimacy, how to overcome them, and what we may expect as a result of intimacy’s proper application.

Common Problems

Recognizing that there should be boundaries to our level of intimacy, we nonetheless may go through life with a disregard for maintaining defined levels thereof. This generally leads into an increase of intimacy between individuals where, perhaps, that level is not warranted. For instance, many suffer heartache as they become too close to a member of the opposite sex without actually dating. This is like keeping your life savings in a jar under the porch rather than in a safety deposit box. What you’ve worked hard to earn becomes far too easily lost.

Likewise, some may suffer as a result of unequal expectations of intimacy. Without defining our expectations, disappointment can be assured. This is tantamount to buying a house without a contract. Now, do not suppose that the best plan is to simply avoid intimacy at all cost. Being an emotional miser never did anybody any good. In fact, the scriptures are rife with refutations of this false philosophy. The Savior taught that when our hearts grow cold it is because of iniquity ². The ultimate goal, in fact, is that we become “one”³, united in all things. Therefore, withholding intimacy is just as dangerous as overstepping it.

Lastly, many understanding that intimacy may gain them privileged status, and misuse it in a manipulative manner. This is the essence of those the Lord condemned along with whoremongers, idolaters, and murderers; those who “love and make a lie” ⁴. There is no acceptable way to manipulate another soul, especially not with intimacy.

How to Overcome

Realizing the magnitude of the problem, we should desire to overcome it. We build fences to keep our beloved pets within a limit, for their own safety. Likewise, we should build boundaries to our intimacy. What is appropriate in any given situation can be known through prayer and study, and most importantly through following the spirit. In order to make these decisions we must realize and understand that intimacy is based on commitment.

I had a wonderful Bishop who taught this lesson in a funny, yet valid way. He printed up cards called “Bishop’s Dating Protocol” and then listed several stages of courtship from 1-5. At each stage he explained the appropriate kind of intimacy from casual acquaintance to spouse. As the relationship progressed, so did the level and amount of intimacy. This is how I came to understand that intimacy and commitment are intrinsically linked, and reliant on each-other for healthy human relationships.

Thought it’s important to know the fences we should build, it’s also valuable to understand when we should open the gates and let others in. We should openly express our love for others. Can you see a difference between expressing appreciation to those you visit teach, and talking on the phone for hours about your deepest desires? Satan wants us to blur those lines and assume that with intimacy it’s either none or all. That is not so.

In the end, it all comes down to an exercise of our integrity. Often it can be tempting to allow another privileged access when the level of commitment does not warrant it. The cute guy or girl can get more of my time, even though they’ve shown no sign of interest and we’ve never gone out on a date. That kind of thinking is rooted in selfishness. One who was acting with integrity would not grant exceptions. I have found that the greatest relationships a found out of, and encourage my development of integrity.

The Blessings

As we apply intimacy in an appropriate manner, blessings will surely follow. The greatest joys in this life stem from our relationships with others. Those who are blessed to experience the unity of a spouse are experiencing a blessing of intimacy. With the proper boundaries born of integrity comes freedom from worry and freedom from obligations which can bind us down.

The end-goal is that, as we give our heart to others, wisely, we will come to a day when our relationships are as those of our God.

2. Matthew 24:12

3. John 17:11

4. Rev. 24:15

Photo [...]]]> Imagine you’re hiking a mountain trail when, without warning, you step into the path of a large and startled rattlesnake. Before you can make a decision the serpent snaps at your leg and you feel it’s fangs dig into you skin as the warm venom pushes it’s way into your blood stream.

Photo by: Mike Johnston

Ancient Israelites experienced a similar serpent problem. It’s important to see this event as one of the wanderers may have seen it. Their leader, Moses, had dragged them away from the bounties of Egypt into a hostile desert. Time after time they had experienced thirst, hunger, and trials; escaping by the skin of their teeth. Then, an infestation of fiery serpents filled the camp, poisoning everyone. Moses claimed that it was a judgement from God, and that if Israel would look upon a brazen serpent he had fashioned, they would be saved.

Now, from our vantage point, we know that those who looked to the image were spared, and those who did not suffered and died. But, in that moment, would you have made the same decision? Remove the possibility of having a testimony in Moses. If you didn’t like moses, would you listen to him?

Often times our issues are not with ideas or information, but with sources. It is far too easy to dismiss advice from those we do not admire. But, we must be careful to not allow pride to blind us from valuable things. Adolf Hitler was most assuredly the epitome of evil, and yet he provided the impetus in 1933 for the design and manufacture of the Volkswagen Beetle; one of the most useful automobiles in car history¹. If we can acknowledge that the Beetle was a good idea, then we should be able to, at least, take advice or counsel from our parents, employers and co-workers, and others.

The matter, then, becomes discovering a way to block the innate tendency to dismiss the disrespected. The process can be simply summarized as becoming humble. It’s a bit simplistic to say, “just be humble” though, and so here are three keys which will lead toward that goal.

Do not judge motive. Well did the Savior teach us to judge not ². Only the Lord can truly look “on the heart” ³, or see the desires of a person. If anyone were to make a list of the times they’d been wrong, that list would be impossible to complete in a lifetime; certainly it would exhaust the world’s supply of ink. There is no reasonable excuse for assuming that we can correctly see all things. If we can give up on judging motives, realizing that it serves no purpose, then we can move forward and deal with realities instead of assumptions.

Another key is to ask for advice. Make a habit out of getting input from all sources. As this becomes part of the decision-making process, you will come to find that you receive wonderful insights which you’d never considered. This is because no minds think exactly alike. The old saying that two heads are better than one is not true for numerical reasons, but for increase of scope.

Finally, it is important to express gratitude for input, no matter how ludicrous we find it. Gratitude unlocks the powers of heaven in a marvelous way. Just as we receive more communication from the Lord as we express gratitude, so will we receive important input in greater measure as we express our thankfulness to our fellowman.

In the end, the goal is to avert wasted time at the hand of pride. Ancient Naaman almost went on in his leprous state because he would not hear the advice of Elisha. Luckily, his servant was given words to humble him, so that he followed what he considered unreasonable advice and became healed ⁴. Each of us can experience the same healing and added personal growth as we cast away our pride and take counsel.

2.  Matthew 7:1

3. 1 Samuel 16:7

4. 2 Kings 5:1-14